I think some of them were written by bartenders. For example:
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.Fair enough.
link
86 rules of boozing
If you're going to check out the new pub that Pilznr mentions below then you might find Modern Drunkard Magazine's 86 rules of boozing helpful, unless you want to be banned from this one too.
I think some of them were written by bartenders. For example:
link
I think some of them were written by bartenders. For example:
link
How Difficult is the Tour de France?
With the end of the Tour it seems like the people who don't think cycling is a sport always seem to come out of the woodwork. We've all heard how difficult it really is, but what does that mean to your average recreational cyclist? Well, here's a story about an experiment to provide a quantitative analysis of the effort Floyd Landis required to complete the Tour.
The statistics for each stage are published here. Lots of detail, but it's worth it just to examine the amazing numbers for the Time Trials and mountain stages.
The statistics for each stage are published here. Lots of detail, but it's worth it just to examine the amazing numbers for the Time Trials and mountain stages.
It was a dry ride
Those of you who missed the Tuesday night fun-fest at the L.V. (An' you know who you are!) Missed a sweet dry ride in the cooling temperatures.
Yup. It didn't rain on us. I was as shocked as anyone since the clouds were assembling as I was fightning the horrendus St. Chucky traffic to get there...
But it was dry, the trails were sweet, and the Pimp & 3-bowl were flyin'.
Good times. Even a beer afterward in the cool, breezy parking lot.
Yup. It didn't rain on us. I was as shocked as anyone since the clouds were assembling as I was fightning the horrendus St. Chucky traffic to get there...
But it was dry, the trails were sweet, and the Pimp & 3-bowl were flyin'.
Good times. Even a beer afterward in the cool, breezy parking lot.
It's Raining
6:22 p.m. Tuesday July 26th. It is raining and the temperature has dropped 7 degrees in 5 minutes. Hurray we're saved!!!!!!
Honorary GORC?
Maybe we should make him honorary GORC for his drinking skillz. I guess he needs to be pitted against Elliott in a shotgunning-contest to find out for sure.
The Connection between Lance, John Kerry, and the French
"All you need is a few TV cameras, French speaking liberals you can be assured Kerry is around. So the story line goes about the historic victory of another liberal Lance Armstrong who faked cancer to get performance enhancing drugs so he can win the Tour." more...
Saturday Morning Scorcher
Matt, Pun, Funnyfella, his co-worker Danny, and Danny's buddy did about 30 miles on the twisty backroads of wildwood.
Only 6 miles in, however, Pun took it up a notch. On a twisty tight steep switchback that veered hard to the right (the last turn going down Melrose headed to T/St. Albans), Pun apparently used too much rear brake and went down - HARD. I was ahead and didn't see it but Funkychulla said he slid on his ass for about 20 feet and went over into the ditch.
Bounced up - and rode off. In front of other riders, no less. There were about 50 cyclists doing their morning group ride and the last 10 or so witnessed GORC in action. Pun's shorts were ripped on both ass cheeks for all the hot ladies to see. While I would've raced back home out of sheer embarassment that my bloodied legs and ass were hanging in the air, Pun took it in stride and rode the whole route with us.
Some chicks even dug his crash and small talked at the St. Albans store.
The ride ended 3 hours later after the hills crushed all spirits. Pun and farinella met back at my place and watched several episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force / Robot Chicken / Tour TT. Once 11am struck we broke out the liquor. Several drinks later I was super buzzed. The bottle of Tanqueray and Grey Goose did not survive past 1pm. After they left, I tried to cut the grass but couldn't really see straight and the sun was melting my brain. I parked the mower and passed out in bed till about 6. Woke up and prepped for the Chubb race.
Of course, I was late to the race on Sunday. I was 4 minutes behind the singlespeed class and took off like a bandit. Things were going my way despite the tardiness. I could see the last ones as I sped down the flint quarry. Then I ripped a hole in my tire the size of a quarter. It was over. I taped it up and rode down and quit and went home back to bed. It was a $60 1/2 lap bike race for me.
I made it up that evening by destroying myself at Greensfelder on the sea monkey.
Word to the wise: GreensFELCHER is in the BEST SHAPE you will see it in for a while. As soon as it rains it will be shit again from the horses so ride it now. Dogwood is BUFF is select spots. And you can rail the ridgeback on DeClue. Check it out. And the ticks are low-key still. Save castlewood for your weekday hoo-hahs and visit Greensfelder to get your heart in the explode zone.
Good night.
Only 6 miles in, however, Pun took it up a notch. On a twisty tight steep switchback that veered hard to the right (the last turn going down Melrose headed to T/St. Albans), Pun apparently used too much rear brake and went down - HARD. I was ahead and didn't see it but Funkychulla said he slid on his ass for about 20 feet and went over into the ditch.
Bounced up - and rode off. In front of other riders, no less. There were about 50 cyclists doing their morning group ride and the last 10 or so witnessed GORC in action. Pun's shorts were ripped on both ass cheeks for all the hot ladies to see. While I would've raced back home out of sheer embarassment that my bloodied legs and ass were hanging in the air, Pun took it in stride and rode the whole route with us.
Some chicks even dug his crash and small talked at the St. Albans store.
The ride ended 3 hours later after the hills crushed all spirits. Pun and farinella met back at my place and watched several episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force / Robot Chicken / Tour TT. Once 11am struck we broke out the liquor. Several drinks later I was super buzzed. The bottle of Tanqueray and Grey Goose did not survive past 1pm. After they left, I tried to cut the grass but couldn't really see straight and the sun was melting my brain. I parked the mower and passed out in bed till about 6. Woke up and prepped for the Chubb race.
Of course, I was late to the race on Sunday. I was 4 minutes behind the singlespeed class and took off like a bandit. Things were going my way despite the tardiness. I could see the last ones as I sped down the flint quarry. Then I ripped a hole in my tire the size of a quarter. It was over. I taped it up and rode down and quit and went home back to bed. It was a $60 1/2 lap bike race for me.
I made it up that evening by destroying myself at Greensfelder on the sea monkey.
Word to the wise: GreensFELCHER is in the BEST SHAPE you will see it in for a while. As soon as it rains it will be shit again from the horses so ride it now. Dogwood is BUFF is select spots. And you can rail the ridgeback on DeClue. Check it out. And the ticks are low-key still. Save castlewood for your weekday hoo-hahs and visit Greensfelder to get your heart in the explode zone.
Good night.
Hot & Juicy...?
Saturday's ride started out nice...
We rolled down my driveway at around 7am, trying to beat the heat. Yeah, Right.
I promised some word on the Buzz-Kills from Bontrager, and here's the word: They Work! The first test was the cobbles of South Main in St.Charles. It felt like a 35c front tire, even though I'm only runnin' a 23c Michelin.
Then came the real test at around the 40 mile mark. A 3.2 mile section of gravel, that does not get graded very often. It's pretty bumpy, and dusty, and can be very sketchy. 3-Bowl and I were flyin' along at a pretty good clip when we hit the gravel road, we continued to "give it some stick" for the duration of the gravel, keeping the pace over 20mph for the whole section. Kinda felt like some of the Roubaix footage you see...(Is this why no-one will ever ride with me'n Larry, I wonder...).
By the end of the gravel Larry wuz shakin' his hands around, but I was totally comfortable. No problems at all, so I'd say this little added weight to the bike is worth it, if you ride sketchy roads (like I love to).
When we got back into St. Chuck proper, and out of 'the country', things got ugly. It felt like this dude was riding with us!
Me'n 3-bowl were both feeling the effects of 45 miles at a decent clip, and we had at least 16 more to go!
I was Spanked when I got home. Sat in the kiddie pool with the kids, and went inside to watch the tour and pass-out.
Another great Saturday ride. Why do I do this...?
We rolled down my driveway at around 7am, trying to beat the heat. Yeah, Right.
I promised some word on the Buzz-Kills from Bontrager, and here's the word: They Work! The first test was the cobbles of South Main in St.Charles. It felt like a 35c front tire, even though I'm only runnin' a 23c Michelin.
Then came the real test at around the 40 mile mark. A 3.2 mile section of gravel, that does not get graded very often. It's pretty bumpy, and dusty, and can be very sketchy. 3-Bowl and I were flyin' along at a pretty good clip when we hit the gravel road, we continued to "give it some stick" for the duration of the gravel, keeping the pace over 20mph for the whole section. Kinda felt like some of the Roubaix footage you see...(Is this why no-one will ever ride with me'n Larry, I wonder...).By the end of the gravel Larry wuz shakin' his hands around, but I was totally comfortable. No problems at all, so I'd say this little added weight to the bike is worth it, if you ride sketchy roads (like I love to).
When we got back into St. Chuck proper, and out of 'the country', things got ugly. It felt like this dude was riding with us!Me'n 3-bowl were both feeling the effects of 45 miles at a decent clip, and we had at least 16 more to go!
I was Spanked when I got home. Sat in the kiddie pool with the kids, and went inside to watch the tour and pass-out.
Another great Saturday ride. Why do I do this...?
Time for a break from the HEAT!!!
Let's go back to winter!
Suddenly, those frigid, dark, slushy, Tuesday night rides at Lost Valley don't sound so bad... There's some road rides going on this weekend.
Some GORC idiots will be riding out to Portage du Souix, lot's of flats, and maybe a breeze if we're lucky. I like to get 3-bowl out on the flats where I can still hang with him.
I've got a fun route that leaves from my house, includes a couple of miles on a gravel road, a mile or so of Katy(if you want) and totals about 65 miles. I get to try my new Bontrager Buzz-Kill vibration dampeners:http://www.bontrager.com/Road/Parts_and_Accessories/Handlebar_Accessories/5882.php
Let's see if Keith's "snake oil" works, I'll update after the weekend. Post a message on the Group Rides board if you want to join the fun-fest. Leaves my house at probably 7am, comes past the soccer fields at Elm&370 at around 7:45am.
24 Hours of Big Bear, 2005
as written/reported by Rob Horn
We are a bunch of friends from the mountains of far Northeastern Tennessee. We are the riding hillbillies. Only two teams have come to wage war on Big Bear down from the nine we brought in 2001 to Snowshoe. Team number one is “Dr Skips Medicine Show”. Myself, Rob “The Rockboy” Horn, our captain, Brian “The Duckman” Archer, Bob “The Great White Goat” Lamberson”, and Michael “Epic Mike” Ritter. Dr Skips has been doing this race for many years in one form or another and for the first time comes to the race with the same members two years running. We are an over 35 veterans team with high hopes of a podium visit. Team number two is Team Scrotum Cycles. Their captain is Paul Windsor with Wes Lamberson, John Waldo, and Andy Clevinger signed on to bring on some pain. Truly a sport team being lead out by 13 year old Wes with plans to finish in style.
Race day it is. The venue is pumping. You can feel the electricity amping up. Racers cruising the pits for one last check on their race machines. Last minute pre-race tuning, test riding, numbering of bikes, getting the gear lined out, and just trying to keep the nerves at bay. Bob is our Le Mans runner and is ready to go by 10:30 AM. About an hour before your lap begins you normally find yourself alone using the time to clear your head and prepare your mind to go as hard as you can for twenty four hours. No slacking, no easing up, never quitting or giving in to the pain, and most of all wrapping your mind around the fact that once again your team, friends, family, co-workers, spectators, and the mountain biking world are watching and routing for you to see this thing through with courage and style. No pain, no fun, and go till ya blow and then go again. Lets give er!
I slam down some more oatmeal while loading the camera film and getting the big daddy zoom lens set. At 11:45 AM on Saturday June 18th, 2005 we begin our short walk to the front line of the war called Big Bear. The cannon goes off at high noon, my adrenaline goes sky high, and the Le Mans start is off. Wes is on the bike at the front of the pack with Bob a few places behind. We run down to course behind our camp and watch the carnage begin. One slick root claims at least 20 riders and Wes and Bob just keep passing riders. We ride down to the next opening in the course to catch the riders coming through. I run into Keith Bontrager and we have a short talk about the race and wish each other luck. Bob comes rippin’ up a rock shelf with Wes about thirty places behind. Our boys are moving and it is now time for me to go get my race face on. Michael and I head back to camp for some light chow and settle in for 24 hours of raging war. I am riding third with Michael fourth so we have some time to chill out. The Duckman is already mounting up for a warm-up and heads out of camp with a most serious look about his face. I am due to ride around 3:15 about 1:00 PM I start setting my clothes out in order, double checking my Yeti ASR for good tune, giving Pete my parrot mascot one last coat of “Bike Lust”, and laying out my per lap fuel with my clothes.
3:00 PM and the time is near. The Yeti is in the starting line bike stands, I am signed in, and ready to rock. The pep talk is over and any second the gauntlet will drop and a new level of pain will come about. I meet a rider in the start tent named Matt Hemberger from Morgantown. This is his first 24 hour race and he has only been mountain biking a few months. A huge linebacker like dude that has lost 30 lbs in three months. He reminds me of how nervous I was my first time so I chat it up with him about the high fun factor to help calm both our nerves. 3:18 and Duckman hands me the baton and I am on the bike and rippin’. I keep telling myself to start easy and finish strong but I feel real good and after the first half mile I drop the hammer hard. I hit the five mile mark in 31 minutes and know that I am going to hard. I back off slightly in the groovin’ pine forest roller coaster and then hit it hard on the climb up to the rock garden downhill. I enter the garden in the big ring and begin passing riders. As the course steepened and the tech factor went high I found myself spun out in 27th gear sans brakes just passing at will. At the roughest section the spectators were yelling to others to get the hell out of the way so I just let it roll for one mile of pure rocky DH. I was really diggin’ it and was getting more stoked by the minute. At the bottom of the last climb which is a hike a bike section for about ½ mile I passed team 114 Mr T & The Yo Yo’s. At the top of the climb I was stoked knowing that I had passed four veteran teams on my lap and a sport rider and I dropped the hammer. He had topped the climb with me and noticed that I had passed 114and offered to show me a fast line over the last rock drop before the finish. We hit the big ring and slammed in to the finish side by side. I handed off to Michael with note that 114was a couple minutes behind and to not go out to hard. Back at camp we were all stoked on our laps and new we were good for a 2nd or 3rd place if the demons would leave us alone.
Duckman handed off to me at 10:07 PM. I was way fired up. Night riding is my favorite and I have thousands of night riding hours under my belt. Dr Skips knew that Rockboy’s best laps always come at night and a screamer was expected for sure. I dropped the hammer right out of the gate and never let up. Four miles in I passed Big T’s while climbing in the big ring. Left him sitting still. I knew he had left out 20 minutes ahead of me so I wondered what kind of problem he might have had all the while jamming big gears with a WV local suckin’ my wheel chanting “lets keep rippin’ dude, Keep pacin’.”. He passed me at the top of a short steep climb bidding me to keep hammerin’ so I surely did. I passed a few and then rode alone until the pines. Just before I dropped into the groovy pines I checked my time. Oh hell ya, 26 minutes. Yahoo! I lit it up all the way to the rock garden knowing that I could ride the one mile of big ring rocks brake free. I dropped in to the rocks WFO and HID’s on high. I passed a Singlespeeding chick just as she politely moved over, the drunk spectators were going wild at the top so I just laid my hands on the grips and let it roll passing another and then launching a mid air pass over a root ball around a fast moving rider.
In mid air, feeling invincible, with nirvana on my mind when I heard a loud crack. I had my landing planned but had no idea of the two inch thick tree limb that had lodged between my frame and tire during take off. I hit my intended landing zone dead on and jammed the pedals to keep motoring. I found myself flying over the bars still clipped in holding onto the bars at warp speed in the dark with my back wheel locked up. I had time for little thought and no time to even let go of the bars. Just before crash landing it did cross my mind that a long hospital visit was in the future and then I hit the ground. Arrrrgggghhh! I found myself still clipped in looking uphill with my back against a giant tree with my shoulder dug into the deep sponge like moss off the side of the trail. I had missed a rocky landing. The rider I was passing when my plan went awry had stopped when I lost it and yelled at me “Don’t move, you are broken to hell.”. “I think I am okay,” I say. “No way dude, don’t move, cause your bike is broken to hell.”. He helped me out of my pedals and helped me decide that I was alive and well but my bike was wasted. I thanked him and sent him on his way knowing that I had an extra hanger and tools to get the Yeti back in the hunt.
Lets sit down and assess this deal and check the time. Pull off the Rocket pack, take a drink, double check myself for damage, and now to the Yeti. Rear derailleur bent, hanger bent bad, chain bent, spokes broken, big ring bent, and rear wheel is jammed in the rear dropouts. Another rider stops and helps me get the wheel out by standing on my frame while I wrench the wheel out. I thank him and go to work. 25 minutes later my steed is good to go. I gently ride the remaining DH and ease up the next climb. My gears seem crunchy but are running. I drop down into a creek and crank up the other side out of the saddle. Just as I top the bank my drivetrain lets go and I fall flat on my back in the creek with my rear derailleur in two pieces. Oh hell no, this cannot be happening as I look up at the mile 6 sign. I pull the chain via the SRAM link, shove the remains in my jersey, pull the broken HID (a broken mount) off my bars and begin to run. At the mile 7 sign I stop pull my rear wheel out of the bike, bang the bent section on a tree, and drop the wheel back in the bike. Rollin now so I don’t have to carry Mr Yeti for 7 miles. “Run Forest Run” keeps going through my head. My team is waiting and the race is on. Big T’s pass me at about mile 8. I think to myself “he must be having major trouble or bonkin’ hard.”. The pass inspires me to run harder knowing that the demons pay a visit to any team in the race. As I run and run everyone passing me gives strong words of encouragement. A GU shot here, a Cliff Bar handout, Water from the Gatorade tent in the woods, and then along comes my brother Matt. He offers help and I just ask that he let Michael know that I am okay and just running a blown up bike. As I near the finish my knees are screaming with pain, lower back pain like you cannot dream of, and thoughts of a cold beer just keep me running. The same drunk spectators are at the last rock drop. I run up and ask for a cold beer. “Hell no, we just popped our last one.” He says. “Look man, I have been running a blown up bike for seven miles and am damn thirsty so lets have some.” I rip the Natty Lite long neck out of his hands that he had just opened and chugged it down. Let out a thanks to the screaming of “That’s a real racer, lets give him a push.” A push? Bring it on! The big burly EMS guys down the trail grab hold and start running me down the hill to the finish line bridge over the road. They run so hard they finally cannot keep up and hit the ground rolling. Yeehaa! Over the bridge and into the tent, hand off the baton to a smiling Michael with a high five and the entire tent gives a standing ovation. The word had been out that team 112 was out there running from mile six. They also knew that I was not giving in cause Matt and Elvis had spread the news. Lets keep racing cause it ain’t noon Sunday yet.
I get some much needed rest and Duckman hands the baton to me as the sun starts to rise in the east. He has had a bad lap time and a yells that he bonked so hard he tried to eat ferns from the woods and finally found a mud soaked energy bar of some sort to get him home. Ya, that’s what I am talking about. Hardcore teammate doing what it takes to bring it home.
Dr Skips and Scrotum Cycles are still running well and having tons of fun. Smiles all around for sure. I hit my sunup lap knowing that I must take it semi easy cause I surely will be doing a fourth to finish us off past noon Sunday. My knees and feet are rebelling against the big gears but after mile two I start to feel warm again and get into a groove. I come upon Matt H at the 7 mile mark and we ride together through the slow techy stuff for a while. As we spun along my knees started to feel better so I waved adios and dropped the hammer to try to make up some time. No time to complain, just motor on and save some for later. I came in with a slow 1:54 lap handing off to Michael with the words of “Burn it up”. I had another in me but my knees would pay. I had ridden that lap mostly left legged trying to ease the pressure off the right side.
It all came down to Dr Skips Medicine Show being in a solid fourth place. No way to catch Bit T’s and fifth place Happy Hour rides again coming in only 14 minutes behind us. The deal was done and Bob brought us home at 12:00:01 on June 19th, 2005. Bob was the first rider to finish the race and therefore the first one to have a cold beer in hand to celebrate. Dr Skips brought home a 4th place in the over 35 year old Veterans Class. Scrotum Cycles finished a strong 97th overall and the most amazing thing is that I am the only Dr Skip’s rider that crashed with John Waldo holding the honors for Scrotum Cycles by only hitting the dirt twice. Usually the word is not if you will crash but how many hard hits will you take. Keeping the rubber down and a twenty four hour smile is what this deal is all about.
I awake Monday morning to an empty campground and Cracker Barrel on my mind. We hitch up the mules and head off for home. After a less than stellar drive home I parked the car in the drive, rolled down the windows, and just sat for a minute soaking up the time warp I had just past through. I drove through five states, raced a course that traced through West Virginia and Maryland, hung with my mountain friends, and time warped back home through the same five states. Then it hit me. Time to unload this car and start preparing for the 2006 24 Hours of Big Bear. What can we do better? More training, Kyle is coming to wrench for sure, split the drive up, and like a dream my mind is still reeling about 2006 a solid month after the race. If you have not done it you better start planning to do it. Lets start practicing this fall with the 12 Hours at Sac River, The 24 Hours of the Ozarks, Rapture in Misery, and finish it off with the Burning at The Bluff in October.
Lets do it again, Rockboy
We are a bunch of friends from the mountains of far Northeastern Tennessee. We are the riding hillbillies. Only two teams have come to wage war on Big Bear down from the nine we brought in 2001 to Snowshoe. Team number one is “Dr Skips Medicine Show”. Myself, Rob “The Rockboy” Horn, our captain, Brian “The Duckman” Archer, Bob “The Great White Goat” Lamberson”, and Michael “Epic Mike” Ritter. Dr Skips has been doing this race for many years in one form or another and for the first time comes to the race with the same members two years running. We are an over 35 veterans team with high hopes of a podium visit. Team number two is Team Scrotum Cycles. Their captain is Paul Windsor with Wes Lamberson, John Waldo, and Andy Clevinger signed on to bring on some pain. Truly a sport team being lead out by 13 year old Wes with plans to finish in style.
Race day it is. The venue is pumping. You can feel the electricity amping up. Racers cruising the pits for one last check on their race machines. Last minute pre-race tuning, test riding, numbering of bikes, getting the gear lined out, and just trying to keep the nerves at bay. Bob is our Le Mans runner and is ready to go by 10:30 AM. About an hour before your lap begins you normally find yourself alone using the time to clear your head and prepare your mind to go as hard as you can for twenty four hours. No slacking, no easing up, never quitting or giving in to the pain, and most of all wrapping your mind around the fact that once again your team, friends, family, co-workers, spectators, and the mountain biking world are watching and routing for you to see this thing through with courage and style. No pain, no fun, and go till ya blow and then go again. Lets give er!
I slam down some more oatmeal while loading the camera film and getting the big daddy zoom lens set. At 11:45 AM on Saturday June 18th, 2005 we begin our short walk to the front line of the war called Big Bear. The cannon goes off at high noon, my adrenaline goes sky high, and the Le Mans start is off. Wes is on the bike at the front of the pack with Bob a few places behind. We run down to course behind our camp and watch the carnage begin. One slick root claims at least 20 riders and Wes and Bob just keep passing riders. We ride down to the next opening in the course to catch the riders coming through. I run into Keith Bontrager and we have a short talk about the race and wish each other luck. Bob comes rippin’ up a rock shelf with Wes about thirty places behind. Our boys are moving and it is now time for me to go get my race face on. Michael and I head back to camp for some light chow and settle in for 24 hours of raging war. I am riding third with Michael fourth so we have some time to chill out. The Duckman is already mounting up for a warm-up and heads out of camp with a most serious look about his face. I am due to ride around 3:15 about 1:00 PM I start setting my clothes out in order, double checking my Yeti ASR for good tune, giving Pete my parrot mascot one last coat of “Bike Lust”, and laying out my per lap fuel with my clothes.
3:00 PM and the time is near. The Yeti is in the starting line bike stands, I am signed in, and ready to rock. The pep talk is over and any second the gauntlet will drop and a new level of pain will come about. I meet a rider in the start tent named Matt Hemberger from Morgantown. This is his first 24 hour race and he has only been mountain biking a few months. A huge linebacker like dude that has lost 30 lbs in three months. He reminds me of how nervous I was my first time so I chat it up with him about the high fun factor to help calm both our nerves. 3:18 and Duckman hands me the baton and I am on the bike and rippin’. I keep telling myself to start easy and finish strong but I feel real good and after the first half mile I drop the hammer hard. I hit the five mile mark in 31 minutes and know that I am going to hard. I back off slightly in the groovin’ pine forest roller coaster and then hit it hard on the climb up to the rock garden downhill. I enter the garden in the big ring and begin passing riders. As the course steepened and the tech factor went high I found myself spun out in 27th gear sans brakes just passing at will. At the roughest section the spectators were yelling to others to get the hell out of the way so I just let it roll for one mile of pure rocky DH. I was really diggin’ it and was getting more stoked by the minute. At the bottom of the last climb which is a hike a bike section for about ½ mile I passed team 114 Mr T & The Yo Yo’s. At the top of the climb I was stoked knowing that I had passed four veteran teams on my lap and a sport rider and I dropped the hammer. He had topped the climb with me and noticed that I had passed 114and offered to show me a fast line over the last rock drop before the finish. We hit the big ring and slammed in to the finish side by side. I handed off to Michael with note that 114was a couple minutes behind and to not go out to hard. Back at camp we were all stoked on our laps and new we were good for a 2nd or 3rd place if the demons would leave us alone.
Duckman handed off to me at 10:07 PM. I was way fired up. Night riding is my favorite and I have thousands of night riding hours under my belt. Dr Skips knew that Rockboy’s best laps always come at night and a screamer was expected for sure. I dropped the hammer right out of the gate and never let up. Four miles in I passed Big T’s while climbing in the big ring. Left him sitting still. I knew he had left out 20 minutes ahead of me so I wondered what kind of problem he might have had all the while jamming big gears with a WV local suckin’ my wheel chanting “lets keep rippin’ dude, Keep pacin’.”. He passed me at the top of a short steep climb bidding me to keep hammerin’ so I surely did. I passed a few and then rode alone until the pines. Just before I dropped into the groovy pines I checked my time. Oh hell ya, 26 minutes. Yahoo! I lit it up all the way to the rock garden knowing that I could ride the one mile of big ring rocks brake free. I dropped in to the rocks WFO and HID’s on high. I passed a Singlespeeding chick just as she politely moved over, the drunk spectators were going wild at the top so I just laid my hands on the grips and let it roll passing another and then launching a mid air pass over a root ball around a fast moving rider.
In mid air, feeling invincible, with nirvana on my mind when I heard a loud crack. I had my landing planned but had no idea of the two inch thick tree limb that had lodged between my frame and tire during take off. I hit my intended landing zone dead on and jammed the pedals to keep motoring. I found myself flying over the bars still clipped in holding onto the bars at warp speed in the dark with my back wheel locked up. I had time for little thought and no time to even let go of the bars. Just before crash landing it did cross my mind that a long hospital visit was in the future and then I hit the ground. Arrrrgggghhh! I found myself still clipped in looking uphill with my back against a giant tree with my shoulder dug into the deep sponge like moss off the side of the trail. I had missed a rocky landing. The rider I was passing when my plan went awry had stopped when I lost it and yelled at me “Don’t move, you are broken to hell.”. “I think I am okay,” I say. “No way dude, don’t move, cause your bike is broken to hell.”. He helped me out of my pedals and helped me decide that I was alive and well but my bike was wasted. I thanked him and sent him on his way knowing that I had an extra hanger and tools to get the Yeti back in the hunt.
Lets sit down and assess this deal and check the time. Pull off the Rocket pack, take a drink, double check myself for damage, and now to the Yeti. Rear derailleur bent, hanger bent bad, chain bent, spokes broken, big ring bent, and rear wheel is jammed in the rear dropouts. Another rider stops and helps me get the wheel out by standing on my frame while I wrench the wheel out. I thank him and go to work. 25 minutes later my steed is good to go. I gently ride the remaining DH and ease up the next climb. My gears seem crunchy but are running. I drop down into a creek and crank up the other side out of the saddle. Just as I top the bank my drivetrain lets go and I fall flat on my back in the creek with my rear derailleur in two pieces. Oh hell no, this cannot be happening as I look up at the mile 6 sign. I pull the chain via the SRAM link, shove the remains in my jersey, pull the broken HID (a broken mount) off my bars and begin to run. At the mile 7 sign I stop pull my rear wheel out of the bike, bang the bent section on a tree, and drop the wheel back in the bike. Rollin now so I don’t have to carry Mr Yeti for 7 miles. “Run Forest Run” keeps going through my head. My team is waiting and the race is on. Big T’s pass me at about mile 8. I think to myself “he must be having major trouble or bonkin’ hard.”. The pass inspires me to run harder knowing that the demons pay a visit to any team in the race. As I run and run everyone passing me gives strong words of encouragement. A GU shot here, a Cliff Bar handout, Water from the Gatorade tent in the woods, and then along comes my brother Matt. He offers help and I just ask that he let Michael know that I am okay and just running a blown up bike. As I near the finish my knees are screaming with pain, lower back pain like you cannot dream of, and thoughts of a cold beer just keep me running. The same drunk spectators are at the last rock drop. I run up and ask for a cold beer. “Hell no, we just popped our last one.” He says. “Look man, I have been running a blown up bike for seven miles and am damn thirsty so lets have some.” I rip the Natty Lite long neck out of his hands that he had just opened and chugged it down. Let out a thanks to the screaming of “That’s a real racer, lets give him a push.” A push? Bring it on! The big burly EMS guys down the trail grab hold and start running me down the hill to the finish line bridge over the road. They run so hard they finally cannot keep up and hit the ground rolling. Yeehaa! Over the bridge and into the tent, hand off the baton to a smiling Michael with a high five and the entire tent gives a standing ovation. The word had been out that team 112 was out there running from mile six. They also knew that I was not giving in cause Matt and Elvis had spread the news. Lets keep racing cause it ain’t noon Sunday yet.
I get some much needed rest and Duckman hands the baton to me as the sun starts to rise in the east. He has had a bad lap time and a yells that he bonked so hard he tried to eat ferns from the woods and finally found a mud soaked energy bar of some sort to get him home. Ya, that’s what I am talking about. Hardcore teammate doing what it takes to bring it home.
Dr Skips and Scrotum Cycles are still running well and having tons of fun. Smiles all around for sure. I hit my sunup lap knowing that I must take it semi easy cause I surely will be doing a fourth to finish us off past noon Sunday. My knees and feet are rebelling against the big gears but after mile two I start to feel warm again and get into a groove. I come upon Matt H at the 7 mile mark and we ride together through the slow techy stuff for a while. As we spun along my knees started to feel better so I waved adios and dropped the hammer to try to make up some time. No time to complain, just motor on and save some for later. I came in with a slow 1:54 lap handing off to Michael with the words of “Burn it up”. I had another in me but my knees would pay. I had ridden that lap mostly left legged trying to ease the pressure off the right side.
It all came down to Dr Skips Medicine Show being in a solid fourth place. No way to catch Bit T’s and fifth place Happy Hour rides again coming in only 14 minutes behind us. The deal was done and Bob brought us home at 12:00:01 on June 19th, 2005. Bob was the first rider to finish the race and therefore the first one to have a cold beer in hand to celebrate. Dr Skips brought home a 4th place in the over 35 year old Veterans Class. Scrotum Cycles finished a strong 97th overall and the most amazing thing is that I am the only Dr Skip’s rider that crashed with John Waldo holding the honors for Scrotum Cycles by only hitting the dirt twice. Usually the word is not if you will crash but how many hard hits will you take. Keeping the rubber down and a twenty four hour smile is what this deal is all about.
I awake Monday morning to an empty campground and Cracker Barrel on my mind. We hitch up the mules and head off for home. After a less than stellar drive home I parked the car in the drive, rolled down the windows, and just sat for a minute soaking up the time warp I had just past through. I drove through five states, raced a course that traced through West Virginia and Maryland, hung with my mountain friends, and time warped back home through the same five states. Then it hit me. Time to unload this car and start preparing for the 2006 24 Hours of Big Bear. What can we do better? More training, Kyle is coming to wrench for sure, split the drive up, and like a dream my mind is still reeling about 2006 a solid month after the race. If you have not done it you better start planning to do it. Lets start practicing this fall with the 12 Hours at Sac River, The 24 Hours of the Ozarks, Rapture in Misery, and finish it off with the Burning at The Bluff in October.
Lets do it again, Rockboy
Fat Chicks in Party Hats (.com)
I was checking out some info on high fructose corn syrup after reading FAST FOOD NATION by Eric Schlosser (mandatory reading) when I came across
FAT CHICKS IN PARTY HATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk about getting derailed...
where is my sleeping bag? OH! THE FATTY WEARS IT FOR PANTYS!!!!! you may keep it didra babe. it now smells like porkfart.
www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com
you may thank me later.
il-Falco knocks 'em out
SAVOLDELLI!!!!!!
Two time Giro winner, Paolo Savoldelli shrugged off a complete wheel-sucking a$$hole (Hinault), and a couple of handy chasers to take the stage today.
Nice riding boyz. Savoldelli is my kind of rider, he's known as one of the fastest decenders in the world. And you know tha-pimp likes to "fly" down tha hills...YO!
Governor Signs Bike Safety Bill
2005 Missouri Bicycle Safety Bill
From the Missouri Bike Federation
Steps in the right direction.
Among the provisions: Fines for motorists who pass too closely, bike lane regulations, resolution of a legal problem concerning bikes riding on shoulders, new guidelines concerning hand signals.
Good news for everyone who rides on the road.
From the Missouri Bike Federation
Steps in the right direction.
Among the provisions: Fines for motorists who pass too closely, bike lane regulations, resolution of a legal problem concerning bikes riding on shoulders, new guidelines concerning hand signals.
Good news for everyone who rides on the road.
Kona shows it's BIG UNIT
KONA GOES BIG!!!!
Cory? You out there? Give us the low-down on this baby. Like when can I get one!!!!!!
Kona shows it's BIG UNIT
KONA GOES BIG!!!!
Kona's showing off this 29'r version of the Unit. Singlespeed, disc only, sliding drops. I think you can go geared if you order the drops off the Cowan frame. Sweet stuff.
Cory? You out there? Give us the low-down on this baby. Like when can I get one!!!!!!
Penrose Park velodrome resuscitation
Can you believe this is in our city?
Some cool stuff is happening at the Penrose Park velodrome, up at Kingshighway and hwy 70. After years of people wanting a velodrome, local cyclist Bill Howard has finally made something happen up there. THF donated $40,000 or so and lots of volunteers have cleaned it up, secured permissions, and the track has been patched, sealed (thousands of gallons of sealant), fences built, etc.
The official Thursday night practice races start this thursday, July 21.
Check it out. LINKS:
STL Post Dispatch Article
1961 track NATIONALS pictures -- these are cool
a Penrose NOW picture (same as above)
more Penrose NOW pictures
some pre-resurfacing project info -- there's a map here
Perry Bible Fellowship
Some of the best comic strips come from student newspapers and only last a little while. Now thanks to the internet the cream can rise to the top. Perry Bible Fellowship is the funniest stuff I've seen in a long time, and we won't be seeing it in the local newspaper. Vengeful unicorns, lizard adultry, interspecies copulation, innapropriate accident investigators, I mean, what more could you ask for?
In the world of highly funny and offensive comic strips, it's right up there with Spacemoose.
links:
PBF Archive (the BIG list)
PBF Randomizer (click objects in the picture for themed strips)
Jeff City -----> OWNED!
The GORC Posse found it's way to Jeff City Saturday for the Midwest SingleSpeed Championships. As usual we made our indelible mark on this event.
Here's a quick rundown of the team:
mad hungarian
the pimperbinator
bryan radams + his lovely assistant
izak, chocolate twinkie ninja
THE PUN
pretty pirtle the ladies man
farinella, master of disaster
Oh yeah, thoze Jeff City cats were in for some serious Sh1t. The Mad "Hung"arian, and the SuperPimp came 4wheel driftin' into the park at about 30 mins to race time...just in time arrivals, I like it.
The pimp had not finished his pre-race quaif when the A-Race left the start line(Without the Pimp! what's with these people??). SO serious pace was put down by the ace-playa himself, passing many fast dudes. From there things didn't get any better for him, including mechanical troubles, tool troubles, and general difficulties. All was forgotten on Lap 2 when he stopped for an ice-cold PBR. fuel, sweet fuel.
Two of the STL's finest turned in some nice showings. Pirtle, who I think took 2nd in the A-Race(he's a bad man), and Izak, our own chocolate twinkie ninja cruised home in 3rd in the B-race with a last corner pass of Bryan (Supa-Sonik) Adams...that's just ice cold, like a true ninja.
THe Post-Race festivities included swag giveaways, a "Drag" race, and more 40-ounce fun with the GORC posse. Good times, nice trails, and a great event. Not to be missed next year. Anybody got pics?
Here's a quick rundown of the team:
mad hungarian
the pimperbinator
bryan radams + his lovely assistant
izak, chocolate twinkie ninja
THE PUN
pretty pirtle the ladies man
farinella, master of disaster
Oh yeah, thoze Jeff City cats were in for some serious Sh1t. The Mad "Hung"arian, and the SuperPimp came 4wheel driftin' into the park at about 30 mins to race time...just in time arrivals, I like it.
The pimp had not finished his pre-race quaif when the A-Race left the start line(Without the Pimp! what's with these people??). SO serious pace was put down by the ace-playa himself, passing many fast dudes. From there things didn't get any better for him, including mechanical troubles, tool troubles, and general difficulties. All was forgotten on Lap 2 when he stopped for an ice-cold PBR. fuel, sweet fuel.
Two of the STL's finest turned in some nice showings. Pirtle, who I think took 2nd in the A-Race(he's a bad man), and Izak, our own chocolate twinkie ninja cruised home in 3rd in the B-race with a last corner pass of Bryan (Supa-Sonik) Adams...that's just ice cold, like a true ninja.
THe Post-Race festivities included swag giveaways, a "Drag" race, and more 40-ounce fun with the GORC posse. Good times, nice trails, and a great event. Not to be missed next year. Anybody got pics?
Training for the Midwest SingleSpeed Champs...
Somebody at Momentum Cycles asked me how I was training for the Midwest SingleSpeed Championships that is tomorrow in Jeff City.
Here''s what I'm doing tonight...pre-race preparations:
http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/encyclopedia/e/ed/edward_forty-hands1.htm
Good Times.
Here''s what I'm doing tonight...pre-race preparations:
http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/encyclopedia/e/ed/edward_forty-hands1.htm
Good Times.
Simplify Your Life
Maybe your bike would be a good place to start.
Let's see, 27 gears vs. 1 Hmmm....
The only problem with this is you might find yourself going faster rather than slower!
Let's see, 27 gears vs. 1 Hmmm....
The only problem with this is you might find yourself going faster rather than slower!
How not to act in the Tour de France!!
What the hell was Moreau doing, that guy's a tool![B)]
Stealing points from Rasmussen after sucking wheel all the way to the top. He'll get his, that's for sure! He's over 50 points behind, and kept coming around him at the line. No respect...[:(!] I think he ended up taking about 3 extra points...dork!
Here's Moreau, pushing past Team Disco to take an extra point on the Galibier...
Yesterday was Redemption day for Alex.
After being shelled by the Disco's and Lance on Stage 10, he decideds to drop the entire peloton in the hardest/highest stage of the Tour. He get's the Desgrange prize for the highest climbe in the tour, somewhere around 9,000 feet to the summit of the Galibier.
He's a bad, bad man.
Stealing points from Rasmussen after sucking wheel all the way to the top. He'll get his, that's for sure! He's over 50 points behind, and kept coming around him at the line. No respect...[:(!] I think he ended up taking about 3 extra points...dork!
Here's Moreau, pushing past Team Disco to take an extra point on the Galibier...
Yesterday was Redemption day for Alex.
After being shelled by the Disco's and Lance on Stage 10, he decideds to drop the entire peloton in the hardest/highest stage of the Tour. He get's the Desgrange prize for the highest climbe in the tour, somewhere around 9,000 feet to the summit of the Galibier.
He's a bad, bad man.
Karl Rove and Robert Novak
Both should go to jail!!!
Enough of those liars. Let's talk FUNK. Cuz you know tha-pimp is down with funk.
Check out: http://www.soulstrut.com/ and click the "Stream" button to play Clutching Gems by Do-Right from Ballerado.
It's the shizzle...
Danny Does China
Pro skateboarder Danny Way has become the first person to clear the great wall of China without motorized aid. Well I'm kind of guessing they used some motors to build the GIGANTIC RAMP. I think a Chinese mountain biker died trying to jump it a few years ago. I haven't heard of a skateboarder jumping the tour de france yet, but it looks like they've won this round.
Hey Tiny Elvis, what do you think of that ramp?
Check out the gallery and movie. The gallery is better though. You can't even see the great wall in the movie. The story refers to China's ministers of extreme sports and culture." Furreal.
LINKS
Story
Gallery
Video
Welcome aboard, Trail Pimp.
tom
Hey Tiny Elvis, what do you think of that ramp?
Check out the gallery and movie. The gallery is better though. You can't even see the great wall in the movie. The story refers to China's ministers of extreme sports and culture." Furreal.
LINKS
Story
Gallery
Video
Welcome aboard, Trail Pimp.
tom
Pain and Suffering on Courchevel
Holy crap.
To say that Discover and Lance pretty much CRUSHED the field is almost not enough.
Shattered!
That was just Harsh.
Bright spots would be ol'Rasmussen hangin' with Lance and Valverde right to the end for 3rd. Cadel Evans, another former MTB world champ, came home 8th.
But did you see Vino, Ullrich, Beloki, and .... Heras??? He was one of the first ones to crack.
Good times boyz.
Whoooze goin' to Jeff City for the Midwest SingleSpeed Championships? anyone? Tha-Pimp shore is. Thoze cats know how to throw a first-class shin-dig. Plenty of beer, good swag, nice trails. Plus, we can whip up on those KC-dorkz!
We'll be needing this:
To say that Discover and Lance pretty much CRUSHED the field is almost not enough.
Shattered!
That was just Harsh.
Bright spots would be ol'Rasmussen hangin' with Lance and Valverde right to the end for 3rd. Cadel Evans, another former MTB world champ, came home 8th.
But did you see Vino, Ullrich, Beloki, and .... Heras??? He was one of the first ones to crack.
Good times boyz.
Whoooze goin' to Jeff City for the Midwest SingleSpeed Championships? anyone? Tha-Pimp shore is. Thoze cats know how to throw a first-class shin-dig. Plenty of beer, good swag, nice trails. Plus, we can whip up on those KC-dorkz!
We'll be needing this:
Gateway Off-Road Cyclists
Gateway Off-Road Cyclists
Yahoo! News
Bush Involved in Bike Crash in Scotland
Wed Jul 6, 7:00 PM ET
President Bush collided with a local police officer and fell during a bike ride on the grounds of the Gleneagles golf resort while attending a meeting of world leaders Wednesday.
Bush suffered "mild to moderate" scrapes on his hands and arms that required bandages by the White House physician, said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. The accident occurred on asphalt, McClellan said. It was raining lightly at the time, and Bush was wearing a helmet.
Police said the officer suffered a "very minor" ankle injury.
The officer was on a security detail. He is a member of the police department of Strathclyde, McClellan said.
The president talked with the officer to make sure he was all right, and also asked White House physician Richard Tubb to monitor the officer's condition at the hospital.
The presidential bike suffered some damage, McClellan said, so Bush rode back to the hotel in a Secret Service vehicle.
The fall did not affect the president's schedule. Dressed in a tuxedo, he attended a dinner hosted by Queen Elizabeth at the annual Group of Eight economic summit. He showed no signs of distress.
A year ago, Bush was cut and bruised when he sailed over the handlebars while riding a mountain bike at his Texas ranch.
In 2003, he tried out a Segway, the standup, motorized scooter at the family's seaside estate in Maine. It went down on his first attempt, but he stayed on his feet with a flying leap over the machine. Undeterred, he got on again and cruised around the driveway with his father.
Yahoo! News
Bush Involved in Bike Crash in Scotland
Wed Jul 6, 7:00 PM ET
President Bush collided with a local police officer and fell during a bike ride on the grounds of the Gleneagles golf resort while attending a meeting of world leaders Wednesday.
Bush suffered "mild to moderate" scrapes on his hands and arms that required bandages by the White House physician, said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. The accident occurred on asphalt, McClellan said. It was raining lightly at the time, and Bush was wearing a helmet.
Police said the officer suffered a "very minor" ankle injury.
The officer was on a security detail. He is a member of the police department of Strathclyde, McClellan said.
The president talked with the officer to make sure he was all right, and also asked White House physician Richard Tubb to monitor the officer's condition at the hospital.
The presidential bike suffered some damage, McClellan said, so Bush rode back to the hotel in a Secret Service vehicle.
The fall did not affect the president's schedule. Dressed in a tuxedo, he attended a dinner hosted by Queen Elizabeth at the annual Group of Eight economic summit. He showed no signs of distress.
A year ago, Bush was cut and bruised when he sailed over the handlebars while riding a mountain bike at his Texas ranch.
In 2003, he tried out a Segway, the standup, motorized scooter at the family's seaside estate in Maine. It went down on his first attempt, but he stayed on his feet with a flying leap over the machine. Undeterred, he got on again and cruised around the driveway with his father.
Dave Zabriskie's guide to taint maintenance
I got an email from a friend a month or two ago saying that Dave Zabriskie was 'one of us' and I had to check out his diary. Anyone watching the tour de france has certainly gained respect for his time trialing ability, common decency in an interview, and his desire to win. His sense of humor doesn't come across nearly so well on TV. The guy has understandably been a little too busy to update his blog lately, but it's still worth reading. His mid-race one-question interviews with other pro cyclists are good for a laugh.
quote:
But don't visit his site without reading "Z's Point"
quote:
There's more, and it's not all 'downstairs' topics.
link: http://www.davezabriskie.com/
quote:
Here is an on the bike interview with Charlie Wegelius of the Liquigas Team.
DZ: Charlie have you ever actually had Liquigas?
CW: You mean like when the s*#t comes out of your ass in a Liquid?
DZ: Sure.
CW: I had to quit the Giro in 2003 because of it.
DZ: Thanks for the interview.
-Dave Z.
But don't visit his site without reading "Z's Point"
quote:
If you are experiencing some saddle sores sometimes the only way to get rid of them is to stop riding for a couple of days. If it’s really bad you might have to see a doctor. I am sort of an expert so if you want you can send pictures and I’ll give you my opinion on the best way to proceed. PLEASE DON'T!
Oh yeah one more thing I think that can help is to shave all of that “bum fluff” down. It can be tricky, use electric clippers and be careful, I recommend a mirror.
-DZ
There's more, and it's not all 'downstairs' topics.
link: http://www.davezabriskie.com/
Forest service publications online
I've seen some of these publications in print but now they're updated and online, FREE. Some of it is kind of dated still, but there's a lot here, sometimes way too much.
[edit: fixed this link -- tom]
Recreational Trails Publications from the US Forest Service
tom
[edit: fixed this link -- tom]
Recreational Trails Publications from the US Forest Service
tom
pimp speak for the web
You can use www.gizoogle.com to search the web (with google's engine) and return the results in machine-translated gangsta speak. It's kind of stupid but does better than I expected. The gizoogle logo alone is funny enough though.
It can also translate webpages. Here is the GORC site all jiggled up.
And here is this very blog. Kinda like looking at a mirror in a mirror, huh?
Next post will be more interesting, I swear.
tom
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