"From last weekend's Dog Parade. No, really, she had complete control of the situation."
The List
1. Don't give alcohol to minors. They can find it without your help.
2. Bring warm clothes. You can always take them all off.
3. Warn surrounding partygoers before attempting a kegstand. Never interrupt the flow of beer unless absolutely necessary.
4. If two or more kegs are present and one contains quality brew always, always, always, drink the shittier beer first. Never move backwards, it's hard enough to stand.
5. Skanks and bead whores prefer shitty beer, especially Bud Light. Remember this.
6. Never pass out in public.
7. If it's past 3pm, it is not considered inappropriate to ask the hot lonely female behind you if she wants to use the restroom at the same time because, hell, you can just piss in the sink. This can lead to tip 8.
8. Always lock the door when using the restroom. No explanation necessary.
9. The Jagermeister goes quick. Get in line if you want a hit. A $40.00 bottle will disappear in 5 minutes.
10. Drain all combustible motors of gasoline, including but not limited to, chainsaws, lawnmowers, leaf blowers, motorcycles, cherry pickers, tractors, and model airplanes.
11. Hide the drained gasoline - even from yourself.
12. Finally, never ride down a flight of stairs on a sled no matter how badly that hot chick begs you. It always hurts like the sky is eternally blue.
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